Sydney, Australia: I worked a late night shift with a subcontractor who seemed to be really friendly and slightly eccentric. He told me he was a 34-year-old virgin. He acted like he really liked me and wanted to go on a date with me. I stayed at his house (didn’t sleep with him) and he showed me his camera he had rigged up to the entrance to his block of flats. It fed to his home office. He wanted to be my boyfriend, and I was quite happy about that. I didn’t see the warning signs – like the time he rolled his eyes at the person on the phone while his voice was being super nice. I told him he didn’t need to pretend or lie to them, just be straight with them. He kept acting like he liked me and I forgot it. He invited me to go overseas with him for part of his holiday trip. The “relationship” lasted three weeks. Three days before he left he said it was “too dangerous” for me to go with him.
What a weird and out of character thing to say.
What I didn’t know was that he was a psychopath. He was documenting me. He had only pretended to be interested in me, and had taken note of everything I had shared in order to use it against me.
He knew that suddenly dumping me via email like that would mean I would have to try to contact him – because we’d be working together on his return, so we’d have to sort out whatever the problem was. I didn’t undertand why the sudden change and I did the logical thing and tried to contact him. He documented/logged every attempt.
He used small seeds of fact to embellish and twist into misleading half-truths and exaggerations. Using that method he could paint an untrue picture of me.
I still didn’t know any of this was going on, it was behind my back I had no idea. Very underhanded. Innocently I just thought he must be very inexperienced with relationships and not understand that if you break up, it is OK – you can still talk to each other and work together. Just be normal.
All the while behind my back he was slandering me to my bosses and colleagues and I had no idea. To this day I don’t know what he said to them.
The first day he returned I was mysteriously taken off my shift at work, and I didn’t know why. I tried to talk to him as others at work had hinted he might be the reason.
I got no response, but was told I’d be put back on the shift. After a couple of months when it didn’t look like I’d be put back on my shift and when Human Resources insisted there was no problem, I took flowers to his flat to try to talk to him.
I buzzed the buzzer and he told me to wait, he’d be down in a minute. So I waited, innocently thinking this was great, we’d have a cup of tea, and sort out whatever the issue was. I waved at his special camera he had rigged up to say hello. I was amazed how easy it was! After 10 minutes of waiting I buzzed again and asked if he was coming down. He said just to give him a second he was in the middle of something. So I waited another 10 minutes before realising he wasn’t coming down. A kind person let me leave the flowers inside (the public area of the flats – just away from the cold thoroughfare where they’d be damaged) and I went home in despair.
What he was in the middle of, was making a video of me standing there innocently waiting for him to come down and talk to me. He took that CD to the local police and lied. He said he was in fear of his life, that I was stalking him etc and convinced them to take out an AVO Application, which he dropped the day it was to go to court. So he never got an actual AVO, and the application would have been rejected as baseless had it ever been heard – but it didn’t matter. The damage was done. The dirty accusations were all over my police file. Every fact he’d ever collected on me was there but twisted and misrepresented until it was something completely different to reality. I never got a chance to explain to the court what had happened. Nobody ever heard my side.
I tried for years to get the dirt off my police file to no avail. Anyone can smear anybody else in Australia as long as they have a seed of fact to present at the local station (like a video footage of someone standing holding flowers for 20 minutes). It’s very easy because the police keep database files on everyone and they don’t have to delete anything or have any of the information proven to be true. Any allegations go straight on there. I couldn’t even get a fair hearing as police fight tooth and nail against anything that might be seen as questioning anything they do. Doesn’t matter that they’ve got lies in their system they’ll fight to the death to prevent anyone correcting it.
So your table in the article with “Fact” and “Psycopath spin” is true – this is what happens. Only it is more devastating when it is less exaggerated and more realistic.
Eg: Fact: You called the psychopath (and asked them if they didn’t want to work with you any more, which you had to do to know whether or not to go to Human Resources).
Psycopath spin: You called (and “threatened them”).
The psycopath who did this to me knew about that police data system. I suspect he told similar lies to the workplace and thus got me off my shift. It took a really long time to find out.
I went on to work for the same company in another state, but I’d never work back at that workplace again.
Nobody ever told me the truth or even that it was happening. It is very confusing when you are the only one in the dark and people are character assassinating you behind your back.
To say it was devastating is an understatement. Like your site suggests, the psycopath won. They always win, because they have the advantage of knowledge and you are the one that is blindsided.
You cannot win. You don’t have the information. It is hard for you to get proof. They have been collecting on you for months and you had no idea.
The best you can do is try to recognise them early and don’t let on you know. Document what they do because otherwise they will destroy you. In my case, talking to human resources did no good at all because he’d obviously gone behind my back made up a story and told them it was private and confidential so i never even knew.
The terrifying thing for me is he has turned up at functions where my brother has been and was seen whispering to his companion who turned around and took photographs. Even my family is not safe from this reputation-destroying predator.